Nothing But Memories
by Tasia1
Summary: this is like, my two cents. Rafe's talking to an old friend because he's afraid that as time goes on, he's forgetting how it used to be...


**Disclaimer**: what, you think i actually OWN any of this? har har har! :) you're funny. 'cuz i really don't. and please don't sue, i don't own anything. not even my sanity.

**Spoilers**: *grin* if you haven't seen it, don't read it.

**Summary**: Rafe's just talking to an old friend because he's afraid that as time goes on, he's forgetting how it used to be...

**Notes**: i saw Pearl Harbour for one reason and one reason only. at the end of it, i just couldn't resist writing this :) call it my two cents. i like feedback. feedback is good :)

**Title:** "Nothing But Memories"

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_The last stroke of midnight dies.  
All day in the one chair   
From dream to dream and rhyme to rhyme I have ranged  
In rambling talk with an image of air:   
Vague memories, nothing but memories. _

~**William Butler Yeats** "Broken Dreams"

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"Umm...Danny? Yeah, it's me. Yeah, you know I come out here everynight. But this time I've got something to say, okay? So listen up and don't interupt me.

"Wow...you're really not interupting me. This is really strange...without you here to make your smartass comments...

*sigh*

"Anyway, let's try this again..."

"Okay, it's this: you were always quiter than me. Shyer than me. Less confident. You were younger and you always trusted me no matter what, no matter how stupid my plan was, no matter how angry you were with me, you always had faith in me and my decisions, even if I wasn't sure about them. I was the older one, the more reckless one, the cocky one. We rubbed off on each other. And no matter what happened, you always had my back and I got yours.

"I understand now, I understand why you fell in love with her, and I want you to know: I forgive you. She's beautiful, ain't she? I don't blame you one bit...really...and I thought you should know. But I guess that it's a little too late...

"She loves both of us, you know. And she loves your son more than anything. He's gotten so big! He loves to fly; everynight the little kid runs into my arms and just points at the plane, and keeps pointing until I take him up for a flight.

"He's kind of like you.

"Goddammit...look at this, I've been sitting here, rambling for the last few minutes and I still haven't gotten to my point yet.

"I'm scared that I'm starting to forget what you were like, how you were, what you looked like. God, you were my best friend! How could I forget all of it? But it's beginning to happen.

"Every night, it's the same dream: you being a stupidly brave bastard and sacrificing yourself for me. You dying in my arms. The look on Eveyln's face when she finally knew. And every night the dream comes, I can never see your face. I can never hear your voice.

"And every night, I wake up sweating and scared shitless that I don't remember my best friend. Sometimes I wake up screaming and Evelyn is awake, watching me, and she knows. She KNOWS, Danny. She knows that I'm scared. And she knows that I'd give anything to see you again.

"If only you weren't playing hero...

"Okay, that was uncalled for; afterall, you saved my life. But why did you come back? Why the hell did you come back? God Danny, you were going to be a FATHER. You were going to marry Evelyn. You were going to have the perfect life together.

"Instead you came back. You crashed your plane, you ended up with a big chunk of metal in your neck and then you attack a man with a gun with a piece of wood. And then you die. Why the hell did you do it?

"Because of me. Because you wanted to protect me.

"You shouldn't have done it. I swear, if you were still here, if we both made it out, I would have beaten you until you were black and blue. I made it out with my life, at the expense of loosing my best friend.

"God, this sucks.

"I'm older than you. I've always tried to protect you, because you tended to make stupid decisions. I promised that you'd never be in anything alone, that I'd always be with you. Why did you have to take me so seriously? 

"And why did you have to leave me to face the shit life throws alone? We were a team, Danny. And you got out. You left. God, you left me on my own. You left me to fend for myself.

"Protecting you was my job. Not vice versa. I was mad at you, Danny. Not for Evelyn, not for your son. But I was angry because I was supposed to take care of you. I. Was. Supposed. To. Take. Care. Of. YOU.

"You weren't supposed to turn around and give off your own life so I could walk away, completly broken inside, with mine.

"I could hate you for it.

"But I can't, because I feel terrible inside. Because you did that for me. Because you had your whole life in front of you, and you ended it for me.

"Because I don't know if I would have done the same. 

"Maybe I would have, I don't know. I don't know about anything anymore.

"God, I miss you so much.

"So the real purpose of me coming here is to tell you I forgive you. That I hate that you did what you did that day, but thank you for letting me walk away with my life, even though there's this big empty void in the middle of it now. I'm coming here to apologise for forgetting, I don't want to forget, dammit!

"You're going to be my best friend for always: friends like you don't fade away just like that. You'll always be a part of me, of Evelyn, of the little squirt who's snoozing away upstairs in his little bed and airplane print blanket."

"Rafe?"

Rafe turned around at the soft female voice and saw his Evelyn, his sweet, beautiful Evelyn standing behind him. "Who were you talking to?"

He sighed and smiled at her, a sad smile. "No one."

She smiled back, just as sadly, a look of understanding in her eyes, shinning with tears. "Come on inside, it's late and it's cold."

"Yeah." he nodded, and followed her into the house, stopping only once to turn around and give the dark sky, glittering with stars, one last look.

"And Danny?" Rafe spoke once more to the sky, with a grin twitching at the corner of his lips. "I didn't write your name on the tombstone. Evelyn did."

And then he walked into the house and followed Evelyn to bed.

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That night, when Rafe fell asleep, he found himself back in the cornfields of Tennessee where he and Danny grew up as kids. He was surprised to find, however that he was a grown man. He turned around to see Danny standing there, as alive as he had since him right before the last mission.

"Hey Rafe." he grinned, his face clear beneath his mess of brown hair. 

Rafe knew he was dreaming. But that didn't stop him from grabbing his friend like he used to and dragging him over to the barn where the old planes were kept.

"Come on Danny, let's play chicken."

And that night, the were two young boys again, best friends flying through cornfields, laughing like kids.

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When Evelyn woke up the next morning, she turned over to wake Rafe, but when she did, she noticed that for the first time in a long time, he was smiling in his sleep.

She could guess why.

So instead, she got up out of bed to make breakfast first, to let Rafe dream for a little longer. 


End file.
